Survival Guide for Children with "Invisibles"

As Ambriel and I headed into Target yesterday, she informed me that several of her "kids" had come with us to take care of their errands. I smiled and murmured, "That's nice" as I tried to remember what all was on the list I didn't bring. When I pulled out a cart, I noticed Ambriel lifting her arms over the cart in what I assumed was a nonverbal request to be lifted in. I offered to do so, but she laughed and told me she was just putting her "kids" in the cart.

Well that makes perfect sense. We proceeded through the store, but soon one of the "kids" who hadn't gotten in at first decided to ride as well. I obligingly stopped the cart to let her lift him in, and smiled at the confused look on a fellow customer's face as he watched us. By the time we made it into housewares, Ambriel was regaling me with the life story of the new "kids" she had found in the parking lot who were very poor and had no "owner." I nodded along with an occasional "Oh really?" or "That's interesting," even agreeing to be their new mother, as I searched for an inexpensive set of hand mixers.

Once again, I noticed that other customers seemed to be puzzled by what they were overhearing. While I didn't take the time to explain the situation to them, I thought perhaps I could help others in the future by creating a survival guide for dealing with children with "invisibles" and sharing it with all of you.

Here goes:

DO -- Call them "invisible" not "imaginary." Ambriel has always been adamant about using "the word that means they're real but you just can't see them." It's impossible to convince them otherwise, so save your strength for arguments you can win. They'll eventually figure it out on their own. Probably.

DO -- Go with the flow. Ask questions about the invisibles until they get bored with the game and move on. You don't want to fight it and end up looking like the mother from "Drop Dead Fred."

DON'T -- Slam doors too quickly or flop down on chairs while the invisibles are present. Taking an extra moment to check on their whereabouts can save you the embarrassment of a public apology for sitting on or crushing the fingers of an invisible. Trust me on this one.

DON'T -- Obsess over the mental health of the child. While occasionally laying awake at night calculating the future expense of therapy (or defense attorneys) is normal for parents of such children, it is usually best to just decide to be entertained by this behavior.

DO -- Choose to believe that invisibles are a sign of intelligence and creativity. I have no idea if it's true, but it's a great statement for encouraging parents or covering your butt when your first instinct is to exclaim "What the heck is wrong with that child!?"

DON'T -- Allow children to get away with blaming bad behavior on their invisibles. When they try, inform them that if they want to take their invisibles with them anywhere, they are responsible for their actions. If the invisibles cannot behave, they are no longer welcome in your car/house/store etc. Fantasy is one thing, deviant behavior is quite another.

DO -- Enjoy it while it lasts.

I was surprised to find myself a little devastated this morning when Ambriel confessed to me sheepishly that "Bean (the invisible who's been with us the longest) isn't real. She's in my imagination. I made her up as a story to tell you." I wrestled with what to say, then said, "I know." I guess I've been following my own advice well because she looked up, shocked, and asked "Because Mommas know everything?"

Not exactly, but close. :-)